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Colbert Cold Open Turns Rudy Giuliani Into Worst Batman Ever (Video)

"The Late Show With Stephen Colbert" used its Tuesday cold open to turn President Trump ally Rudy Giuliani into the absolute worst Batman of all time.
Yes, it was a particularly cold cold open. Brr.
This all happened because Trump called his pal Giuliani "probably the greatest crime fighter over the last 50 years." To the Bat Cave!
Cartoon graphics resembling the old "Batman" TV show's opening credits accompanied its iconic theme song. Adjectives — real or made up — like "Winey," (we think they meant "Whiney"?) "Drinky" and "Teethy" flashed onto the screen. Those replaced the "Sock!" and "Pow!" moments from Adam West's days as the Caped Crusader.
Don't forget "Zok!" Whatever that is.
Some of these villains should look familiar as well. Parody laws can be a great thing — just ask the CBS late-night show's graphics department.
Think twice before the send up the "R" signal, however. Not only is Rudy probably going to mess it all up anyway, the former New York City mayor will be way out of breath by the time he gets there.
We don't even want to know who this guy's Robin would be.
Watch the Colbert video above.
Reminisce with the 1966 version of the real ones below.
Thank goodness for the Christopher Nolan movies.

  • batman logo We've arrived at the 30th anniversary of the release of Tim Burton's "Batman," the film that you could argue ushered in the modern age of big screen superheroes. But whether or not you agree with that idea, you can rest assured that you will almost certainly disagree with our rankings of all the Batman movies. Because that's just how these things go.
  • batman and robin 1949 15. "Batman and Robin" (1949) is just an abysmal experience, with a bad lead actor wearing a floppy-eared Batsuit. Though The Wizard, a villain original to this serial, is admittedly cool looking, it's not enough to stem the boredom in this four-hour slog.
  • batman 1943 grandfather clock 14. "Batman" (1943) gets points for novelty thanks to its hilariously over-the-top old fashioned World War II racism. But Batman's first onscreen appearance lacks pretty much everything that would mark it as an engaging filmgoing experience today. It's cool that a grandfather clock provides the entrance to the Batcave, though.
  • Justice League DC 13. "Justice League" (2017) is just total nonsense, and unlike "Batman v Superman" can't even boast a good performance from Affleck as Bruce Wayne. And it doesn't have the decency to be enjoyably bad like "Batman and Robin" or "The Dark Knight Rises."
  • batman and robin 1997 12. "Batman and Robin" (1997) is rightly hated, but it's tremendously entertaining here and there. Uma Thurman and Arnold Schwarzeneggar are going so far over the top I can't help but admire them.
  • dark knight rises 11. "The Dark Knight Rises" (2012) probably wasn't intended to be a grim and gritty Shumacher Batmovie, but that is indeed what it is. This is Nolan going full Hollywood, smashing plot points into place by sheer force of will rather than because they make sense. An extremely theatrical Tom Hardy as Bane is amusing front to back, and a nuke with a countdown clock on it will never get old.
  • batman v superman 10. "Batman v Superman: The Dawn of Justice" (2016) is nearly saved by Ben Affleck going all-out as Bruce Wayne, but director Zack Snyder just couldn't keep his plot on track. There's too much ground to cover, and the movie is too unfocused to ever really cover any of it.
  • batman 89 9. "Batman" (1989) is fondly remembered mostly because it was the first Batmovie in a couple decades. It isn't actually very good, though. The reveal that a younger version of the Joker killed Bruce Wayne's parents is as hamfistedly dumb as it gets in a "Batman" movie.
  • batman v superman ultimate edition 8. "Batman v Superman Ultimate Edition" does so much to improve the experience of watching it that it warrants its own entry -- it's basically a completely different move with all the important story beats and character moments it adds.
  • batman forever 7. "Batman Forever" (1995) hits just the right tone for what Joel Shumacher was trying to do with the two films he directed. Tommy Lee Jones, as Two Face, is doing stuff in this movie that is hard to believe even today, given his perpetual sour face in nearly every other movie he's been in.
  • batman mask of the phantasm 6. "Batman: Mask of the Phantasm" (1993) Remember that time they released a "Batman" cartoon theatrically? It gets lost amongst all the live-action ones, but "Mask of the Phantasm" is better than most of them.
  • joker Todd Phillips 5. "The Dark Knight" (2008) should be way shorter, but Heath Ledger's Joker is far and away the best villain in any of these movies. Ledger elevates what would otherwise be just another self-indulgent Christopher Nolan exercise into an endlessly watchable picture.
  • Lego Batman Movie 4. "The LEGO Batman Movie" (2017) is funny, sweet and self-deprecating -- exactly what we needed in the wake of the disaster that was "Batman v Superman."
  • batman begins dead parents 3. "Batman Begins" (2005) is the most complete film, on its own, in the entire franchise. It's just, like, a regular movie except it's about Batman. It has actual characters and everything, and Christian Bale's Bruce Wayne even has emotions. It's weird.
  • batman returns 2. "Batman Returns" (1992) is one of the best of the franchise because it's really just a political thriller. The Penguin emerges from the sewer and runs for mayor of Gotham! It's great stuff, especially now that Donald Trump is president.
  • batman 66 1. "Batman: The Movie" (1966) has a timelessness that none of the other films do, and it's just a delight from beginning to end thanks to Adam West's winking Batman and the coalition of villains who can't stop cackling maniacally. Watching it again recently, I found it functions almost perfectly as a parody of the super-serious Christopher Nolan Batfilms, which is incredible.
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    Celebrate the anniversary of Tim Burton's "Batman" by arguing about which Batman movie is the best
    We've arrived at the 30th anniversary of the release of Tim Burton's "Batman," the film that you could argue ushered in the modern age of big screen superheroes. But whether or not you agree with that idea, you can rest assured that you will almost certainly disagree with our rankings of all the Batman movies. Because that's just how these things go.

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